What Was I Thinking? I Auditioned for a French Jazz Band and Here's What Happened
Plus a Report from This Week's Delightful Online Meet-up
‘Ello mes anges (Hello my angels),
When I started “manifesting” my questionable (but sincere) desire to sing with a French band in Paris, I was half-joking about it. But today I’m going to share with you the nerve-wracking story of what happens when you are actually presented with the chance to do something that both terrifies and delights you.
I’ll also tell you whether I succeeded or failed, although those of you who attended the first-ever La Flâneuse online gathering on Reigniting Your Creativity and Honoring Your Dreams already know the answer. So shhhhhh! No spoilers.
But before we get to this harrowing tale of my musical strivings, it’s time for un énorme merci (a huge thank you)! The past few weeks have been so rewarding, with so many people writing to encourage me to “go for it” at the audition despite my fears, and with so many new subscribers joining our community.
A whopping 94% of those who answered the poll said I should do it or “why not,” while only 6% were more in the “hell no” or “I don’t give a s***” camp, and I’m not sure you know how much that overwhelming positivity helped me to at least go through with the audition, which was, frankly, terrifying.
I wish I could truly tell you how much your being here means to me. Finding like-minded, creative-leaning francophiles and bold fellow adventurers is a dream come true.
A Quick Word on the First-Ever La Flâneuse Meet-up about Creativity
It was soooo gooood! So much sharing by a team of inspiring Creative Muses at different stages of life, and lots of takeaways. After the event, all those who registered got an email with resources and a replay of the conversation (plus a special gift). If you couldn’t make it to the event but want in on the replay—and an early sneak peek at what’s coming soon for our La Flâneuse community—leave me a comment and I’ll send it to you.
OK Now What the Hell Happened with the Band Audition in Paris?
Right. If you need backstory on how, as a person with zero experience singing with live musicians, I came to even have an audition with a French jazz band, just read this post where I tell the origin story. Note: you have to scroll down in that post to where I talk about the “pickle” I created for myself. The whole deal starts with karaoke in a Chinese restaurant in the 13ème arrondissement of Paris and ends with my French husband calling my band-singer bluff in the sweetest—but still terror-inducing—way.
So yes, I could say the audition was somewhat foisted upon me after Monsieur B told all his work colleagues that I was looking for a band and one of them said, “I’m in a band and we need a singer.” He immediately (as in, before I knew about it) assured them that, yes, Karen would love to do it, and came home with a song list!
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Are You Kidding Me? You Are Not a Singer, Karen.
OK, yes, I was the star of my high-school musical: Snoopy, The Musical. But that’s the last time I sang with a band, even though when I was a magician’s assistant on a cruise ship in the late 80s, I did act as an emcee at the Midnight Cabaret in the Club Viking.
Honestly I did not think I would go through with the audition because, as a recovering perfectionist, the idea of being judged as “that American who thought she could sing,” was creating a level of anxiety that I wasn’t sure I could manage.
But the group set a date for une séance d’essai (a try-out) leaving me three weeks to prepare seven songs of my choosing from their general répétoire. I did select some songs (in English, Italian and Portuguese) and started to work on them when Monsieur B wasn’t home, praying that the neighbors wouldn’t hate me or throw shoes at the wall.
I still wasn’t planning to actually show up. I told myself, you don’t have to decide today. You can let them know later when you either a) feel more confident or b) understand more clearly that you in fact cannot sing with a band.
Preparing for a Terrifying Yet Thrilling French Band Audition
Every day I did vocal warm-ups on YouTube. I downloaded a singing app which is kind of fun because you can practice with a guide vocal that will evaluate your pitch and your rhythm (in the paid version) but they don’t yet have all the songs I like.
During this process, my husband was cheering me on relentlessly as if it were already a done deal, despite the fact that I told him many times I didn’t want to go. Also during this process, he bought me not one, but two karaoke machines so that I could practice whether we were at home in Paris or at our country place.
What Happened When I Got to the Music Studio?
I nearly bolted. I hadn’t realized it was a full-on real-life professional French music studio with a whole bunch of bands rehearsing. Monsieur B had driven me there as it was a bit far from our place and it was a Sunday morning.
And no, I did not allow him in the room with me. Pourquoi ? (Why?) Because I knew if he smiled that big sweet smile at me or mouthed out “Sing louder!” I would’ve freaked out and left the country.
When I walked downstairs and found our studio and saw the musicians warming up—Bernard on guitar, Olivier on sax, Jaques on drums and Arthur on Bass (two members were missing that day), I almost threw up because they sounded really, really good. I had to excuse myself to go to the ladies room and pull myself together. What in the world was I thinking? Massive impostor syndrome vibes!
In a way it was great that I had to speak French during the audition, because it gave me something to focus on. I’d even memorized a list of French phrases related to musicality:
Est-ce qu’on peut baisser la tonalité un tout petit peu? (Can we lower the key a bit?)
On reprend du début du couplet ? (We’ll take it from the top of the verse?)
But despite all my preparation and despite the fact that I have been speaking in public for what seems like centuries—I couldn’t even figure out how to adjust the microphone stand, and I dropped all my little lyrics papers on the floor before we even got started. When I’m nervous my face and neck often get splotchy and I am so glad there was no mirror in that studio because I could feel myself overheating from the jump.
The Kindness of (Cool) Strangers Who Play Music
The thing is, though, these guys were so sweet and funny and they joked around with me from the very beginning. They were so helpful and completely willing to explain things to me, since I’ve forgotten how to read music and I’d just learned all the songs by ear. They adjusted wherever needed, gave me a sign when it was time for me to come in, and asked me what I wanted to sing next. They treated me as an equal, even though I was not. It was an extraordinary experience.
At one point right at the beginning I was trying to warm up inconspicuously and the band leader said, “Um, you know you have to sing into the microphone, right?” I could just see Monsieur B nodding his head enthusiastically, even though he wasn’t there.
Well, actually he was there with me in spirit. I wore a locket that some girlfriends had given me as a wedding present. It has a tiny picture of us in Paris, strolling after dinner just a few days before we were married. I held on to that necklace practically the whole time, and it really helped.
Before too long, since the guys didn’t boot me out of the room, I started to relax a little, although I thought they were probably just being nice because I was the “novelty American” or something.
If I’m being honest, I thought, “Gosh I bet these guys can’t wait to get rid of me so they can have a real band rehearsal.” Self-doubt is such a b*tch, no?
They’d told me I’d be singing for about an hour, but in the end I stayed three! I sang through the whole rehearsal, and Monsieur B patiently waited for me somewhere dans le coin (in the neighborhood). I started to get a good feeling when the band leader said, “Next time I’ll bring you a caxixi to play while you’re singing.”
But Karen, Did You Get in the Band?
Let’s say this. After meeting the guys and singing for three hours, I really wanted to get in the band. I absolutely loved it and them. And when Monsieur B asked them if I’d passed the test, the bandleader seemed positive but said they’d have a chat about it together and with the two members who were not there.
Then Monsieur B took me to lunch at a great Spanish spot and I may have had two drinks! On our way to the car (I was drinking, he was driving), we accidentally ran into the band leader and he gave us the good news.
🎉 I’m in a jazz band in Paris! 🎉
We then stumbled upon two of the other guys a block later and they welcomed me, too. I’m not gonna lie. It felt like I’d just won the season finale of The Voice.
I felt how Doris Day looks in that photo up top.
Dreams Do Come True, with Preparation and Courage.
Thanks for sticking with me through this adventure. Two big takeaways:
When you really, really want something, you can—and will—overcome some serious anxiety to give it a shot because not trying just ends up being not an option. And there’s nothing like the rush you get from doing something that scares you sh*tless.
You can be proud of yourself for trying something hard, even if it doesn’t result in the more obvious “win.” If this hadn’t turned out the way I hoped, I still absolutely loved and treasured the incredible feeling of singing with live musicians. The collaboration, the redos, the joking around. No matter the result, I would’ve respected myself for overcoming the fear and giving it a real go. Plus I’d still have turned it into a funny story for years to come, which is a great reframe for anytime you screw up.
OK my dears, hope you’re having a lovely weekend—see you soon, and do not forget to follow—no, to actively and boldly pursue—your wildest dreams!
Bisous bisous from your favorite jazz singer in Paris 💃🎤🔥😂
Karen
My mother told me when I was little to try for the things at the top of your list and then work your way down. That was some of her best advise. Going for it is really scary but so rewarding. Congratulations to you. Next hurdle is that you will have to perform in front of a crowd. From one scary challenge to the next, life can be so interesting.
This is so inspiring! Good on you Karen! You walked through your fear and did it. You didn’t let your fear stop you. Be very proud of yourself. BRAVA!!! ⭐️👏