How to End Your Year Beautifully
Three Tips for Thriving Amid High Expectations and Holiday Stress
November—it’s been a crazy whirlwind of a month and it’s not even over yet.
I’ve been quiet these last few weeks as I’ve been traveling all over the place (more on that later). But now that it’s Thanksgiving weekend and we’re full-speed-ahead into les fêtes (the holidays), I have a question for you…
Are there any year-end perfectionists out there?
As a former member of that un-fun club, I have been in a love-hate relationship with the holidays—and the end of the year cycle—for most of my adult life. The love part is for the festivities. I live to celebrate, I love to host, and I adore the change of seasons.
The more difficult aspect of my relationship with the calendar is all about failing. I’m not proud to say it, but instead of tallying up my successes large or small, for a long time, in November and December, I would carefully log only my failures and the places where I fell short of expectations or plans since January.
Over the last few years, I’ve managed to change my mindset from, “Disappointed in December,” to something much more fulfilling. So if you’ve ever felt the same, I hope you’ll find the ideas I’m sharing helpful. Also, I hope you’ve had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I’ll tell you more about how that went in France in a future post, because we’re going to the American Club of Paris Thanksgiving Celebration at Le Musée de la Chasse et de la Forêt this weekend (they don’t do Thanksgiving on Thursday here, because in France, Thursday is just a regular day). Sigh…let’s get to the ideas.
IDEA ONE
Identify and actively celebrate as many of your personal victories from this year as possible, even if it’s just saying, “Yay me!”
I once had the chance to visit the New York offices of a very successful author and TV personality, and I saw on the walls so many moments of her incredible success documented in photos. I could see milestones on her journey, and it helped me imagine her struggles and her effort. That experience made me sad, not because I envied her (although I sort of did), but because I realized then that for most of my most meaningful achievements, I didn’t even have a photo to celebrate the moment. I didn’t have a photo of me with the first copies of my books, for example. Of course that was back before smartphones, so I’ve solved the problem, but at the time I never paused to acknowledge what I had achieved, because I was forever “too busy,” and my focus was always on the next thing. It’s one of my biggest regrets.
As an exercise, sit down and make a list of what you accomplished this year. Some will be goals you planned for, but others may have come as a surprise. Some will be huge, maybe landing a great project, completing a goal, or living in more alignment with your values. Others may have come on a smaller scale—incorporating a helpful habit, making more time for friends (or for yourself!) or starting a new hobby. But in prioritizing the act of reflecting on your triumphs, you’ll rediscover significant moments, plus you’ll honor yourself and what you’ve created with your time and energy. You’ll also reinforce your confidence and you’ll likely be surprised by all the sweet life you lived this year.
IDEA TWO
Adjust your expectations with a pinch of understanding and a dollop of kindness. Now that’s a holiday recipe we can all put in rotation!
Although we’re looking at things from the time standpoint of a year, life doesn’t always work on our schedule. I promised myself I would finish the draft of a new book by the end of this year, and that is definitely not happening (sorry to my wonderful literary agent). But when I look at my original goal, I can see that I was probably too ambitious given that I had just gotten married for the first time, picked up my whole NYC life, and moved to France just six months earlier. I do believe in evaluating and resetting goals, but I also believe that, especially with very important projects or even creative dreams we have, things take time. Give yourself the time you need.
When you look at any perceived missed objectives this year, do be gentle with yourself. It’s good to look at why you may have missed the mark you set, and to be honest about how you think you can best move forward. Does this dream or goal still fit in your life? Is there anything you can let fall away to clear space for your biggest priority, or for something new? Is there a small adjustment you can make to help you better work toward something you really want to accomplish?
When you talk to yourself about those adjustments, speak in a loving voice and say, “petit à petit,” which is the charming French way of saying, “little by little.”
IDEA THREE
When all else fails, and also at all other times, maintain a practice of gratitude.
Whether you’re religious or not, spiritual or not, successful at everything or not, there’s one thing that will guarantee you more happiness in life, and at the end of the year (and the end of every day). It’s developing an active practice of gratefulness. In my own experience, acknowledging even the smallest of gifts or moments with a real-life thought or word of thanks (even when speaking to only myself) has been transformational.
I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought and that happiness is gratitude doubled by wonder. ~GK Chesterton
Everyone has heard about gratitude journals, and I’m a fan, but you can also just be “grateful-on-the-go,” noticing things you never stopped to think about, like the walls of your home or the color of the sky or for laughter or how lucky you are to have food to eat. Just try it. I sometimes go up to people who do under-appreciated work and thank them. I sometimes thank trees. Call me crazy, I know I’m right.
A warning though: a gratitude practice is addictive. Once you start really acknowledging all the bounty around you, your mood will lift, your eyes will sparkle and you’ll crave being grateful.
And on that note, if you’ve read this whole post, or even part of it, I’m very grateful for your presence. Thank you for being here, and you have all my best wishes for a beautiful end to this year.
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