What Really Happens When You Move to Another Country? Part 1

Transitions and Transformations from Expat Life in France

I love inspiring friends to take leaps and to follow their dreams. Have you ever thought of just picking it all up and starting new somewhere far away?

You know, selling what you don’t need, flying away, opening a whole new chapter, maybe learning a new language, just experiencing the world in through a completely fresh lens? As a happy traveler, I had often dreamed of a life outside the States, but I sure didn’t think it would happen like it did. If the idea of living abroad is appealing, read on for the first part of my journey and what I’ve learned.

I call this “Part 1” because I’ve only been a French resident for a year and a half. But in that short time as an American expat, I’ve lived some very profound (and not always easy) experiences that have changed me as a person.

Of course, such a big leap manifests itself differently depending upon where you are in life, in your career, in your relationships. I was a 54-year old entrepreneur when I met Monsieur B (now my husband) in the middle of the pandemic. I had certainly thought about someday getting a little Parisian apartment and wandering the streets of Paris, stopping at cafés, looking out at the city through a picturesque window.

But in committing to make such an enormous mid-life move, I discovered a lot that I wasn’t expecting. Here’s a short list:

When you move to a foreign country, it’s not just the landscape that changes. It’s You. The shift comes in large and small ways. Food is different, work is different, the rules of society are different. It’s delightful and sensory and magnificent. But also, people get offended at other things than you’re used to. Even driving can be self-shaking, as I discovered when I found out (after moving here) I couldn’t exchange my New York driver’s license for a French permis de conduire. How is that even possible?

I promise you, I never could have anticipated how stressful and pride-destroying that ten-month-long experience was to be for me. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve done in the last ten years and it made me feel like an idiot, even though I’d been driving since my sixteenth birthday.

But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, no? And I’m now the only person in my actual French family with an actual French driving permit. #winning!

When your status changes, your perspective changes. As a successful New Yorker, I really knew how to get things done. If you had asked me, I would’ve pridefully said, “Hey, New York is my town!”

But in France, I hit walls everywhere, every day. Some of them were (and are) just cultural—it’s been my experience for example, that in bureaucratic matters, you often get a mystifying “no” before you get a yes. You also realize that you’re an immigrant (or at least an outsider), and that you have to work hard to understand things which, in your own home country, are simply second-nature to you.

I had to have so many documents translated and approved (and even after which being rejected), and I had to attend four full days of formation civique (resident trainings) just to be able to renew my visa. Side note: I enjoyed it, but it brought home the realization that, hey, I’m new here. I’m an immigrant, just like all the other folks in my class who have moved to France to make a new life. That’s a humbling thought, and I think the humility required of is the most important gift of my transformation.

As a new resident, your relationship to work will no doubt change. For me, the difference between work in France and the US has been mind-blowing and life-changing.

If you’re thinking about moving with that in mind, I can promise you, it’s really a whole other level, with life here being designed around life-work balance (and not the opposite). That being said, it’s not always easy to find a job if you don’t speak the language, as I’ve seen on a lot of online boards with new arrivals. It can also be daunting to start a company in another country, which I did last year.

Even your own style may change as you integrate into your new life. I was looking at some photos of me from “before” when I lived in Brooklyn, and how my style has changed since moving to France. What do you think?

In Brooklyn at left, 2019, and in Paris at right, 2023

You’ve got a lot to learn, and you don’t even know what you don’t know. Here’s a little video I made about that.

You’ll feel elated and lucky most of the time, but probably you’ll have some anxiety and feelings of not yet belonging to your new culture. I cry sometimes, but it’s not because I’m unhappy. It’s just growing pains as I evolve into all that I am becoming.

It’s not all pain au chocolat and Champagne. I heard recently from another woman who has lived in France for ten years now, that her second year was her most difficult. Why? Because the first year, you’re just pinching yourself—”I live in France!” And you’re dealing with the logistics of the transition. But once that first newness wears off, you find yourself really in it, in the thick of life, and all the things you’re dealing with that are related or unrelated to your move, will still be there demanding your attention and trying to stress you out. That’s normal, so be gentle with yourself. I’m in my second year now, so je te tiens au courant (I’ll keep you posted).

Don’t move to another country because you think it will solve you. As my mother always says, “Wherever you go, there you are.” So while a new country can be a new opportunity, it won’t magically disappear any deeper issues you’re dealing with. My suggestion is to “do the work” to be healthy and strong before taking the big step of moving to another country.

If you could take off tomorrow, where would you like to live?