If You Haven't Moved to France (Yet), Here's Where You Could Be in Three Years
10 Key Observations from My Frenchiversary, Plus Your Sexy New Euro Summer Cocktail!
Bonjour les Flâneuses et les Flâneurs,
Ça va bien ? (How are you?)
Ça fait plaisir de te voir (It’s great to see you). Since we have quite a number of new folks joining us recently, and since it’s my third anniversary as a real French resident (!), I thought I’d take a moment to reintroduce myself in a few words.
I’m Karen, originaire de l’Ohio (originally from Ohio). Before I met my French husband in the middle of the pandemic, I was a long-time event designer and consultant in New York City, and a short-time startup founder. I’d written some books about weddings and parties. Then in 2022, at age 54, I got married in a charming medieval village. That was a big surprise—especially to me—because I never thought I’d get married at all, let alone in French, in an actual, well, village.
And just like that—BOOM!—or as we might say in French—BOUM !—un enorme changement de vie (a huge life change). From single Brooklynite fresh off lockdown to complete Paris newbie. I was une nouvelle épouse (a new wife) et une nouvelle belle-mère (a new stepmother), avec un nouveau titre de séjour français (with a new long-term French visa).
Three things I had going for me as I set out on this adventure: a C1 diploma en langue française; an overly optimistic personality; and a terrific husband who’d promised me que du bonheur (nothing but happiness). Sounds pretty good, right?
Three years later, I’ve learned so much, and I’ve changed a lot, too. I wrote about my “thoughts” at the two-year mark, and I did also (guiltily) complain a bit at one point, especially when I struggled with my French permis de conduire (driver’s license).
Even my fashion style has changed.
This Just In: Living in France (as Opposed to Visiting) Is Wildly Different
That may seem obvious, but even as someone who thought she knew Paris pretty well, I had no idea what it would be like to really live here. Because when you live in Paris, you confront a different culture, different pace, different systems, different every single thing. Extraordinarily different than New York in every way, and another experience entirely than being here as a tourist, even one who stays a month or two. Why? Because while you’re a tourist, you’re not privy to, nor participating in the real rhythms—or systems—of a full-time life. You’re having fun!
And for me now, maybe even more so, because I have a French partner and a French family here. I’m immersed (and sometimes submerged) in a French life—and a European life—that I couldn’t have imagined when vacationing here, plotting my next rooftop bar stop with the help of the latest Instagram recommendations.
In New York, my Fort Greene building had doormen, garbage chutes in the hallway, and a package room attendant to accept Amazon deliveries. Here my building features a tiny, smiling, quiet lady who cleans the floors once a week, and the Amazon delivery guys insist il faut descendre (you have to go downstairs) to meet them at the door.
And oh yes, for the first time in my life, I’m a regular at la déchetterie with Monsieur B. You guessed it—that’s French for “The Dump.” But Paris insider fact: we do have an odd little chute in our kitchen that propels garbage down a tube directly au sous-sol (to the basement). The husband loves it.
Fish Out of Water Much?
My dears, have you ever lived that outsider-type experience? I think I was a bit cocky and underestimated it in this case. After all, when you move to a foreign country, you have to leave a part of you behind. You must sacrifice other things, too—friends, furniture, maybe even financial opportunities. And you’re tasked with relearning life to a certain extent on a granular level and in a whole new way. Just opening a bank account or making friends or going to the theater (or the doctor) can be so challenging.
Below are some of the highlights and observations (delightful and less-so) from one American’s three-year evolution en France. If you want the action-packed year-two take you can find it here.
Or if you just want to make the new hot cocktail I discovered in Portugal and drink it while you’re reading, allez (go ahead), scrollllll down, mes chers ! I’m already drinking one right now.
Highlight Reel: Year 3 as an American in France: A Quick List of Some Stuff I Actually Did
Studied hard and won the French Wine Scholar certification, avec mention (with honors)
Participated on an all-female panel of wine dégustatrices (judges) for a global wine and spirits competition in la Bourgogne (Burgundy)
Took about 63 cours particulier (private lessons) in French. Fewer than last year because I just got too overwhelmed with other stuff. A note to those who are studying French: even when you’re technically “fluent,” neither the journey nor the mistakes ever end
Went on a sunlit Women’s Retreat in Provence with my favorite Joyologist, Ajiri Aki.
Renovated an apartment in Paris and the upstairs of our country place. Whew! 😅
Auditioned for—and was accepted into—a groovy French jazz band. I know, right? And no, I haven’t ever been in a band before
Started taking voice lessons with a French specialist in jazz
Started taking online lessons to play the guiro (harder than it looks) because apparently the tambourine isn’t ambitious enough for a singer who is not singing during that part of the song
Played “Padel” for the first time with my stepdaughter in Spain and loved it. Has anyone heard of this? Can I take up a new sport?
Wrote some articles for an online French-themed magazine called MyFrenchLife
Started a part-time side project working for a friend’s promising startup
Finally told my literary agent about my new novel-in-progress (I didn’t want to tell her until I was really sure). We had breakfast in Paris and she asked me to have a draft to her by August of this year 🫣
Started working with a Book Coach to help push me to (finally) finish this novel 🤭
Reluctantly quit the part-time startup side project so I can finish my darned novel
Set up a retirement account and a Livret A account (a special kind of limited savings account that guarantees a certain return) with the help of a professional French conseilleur en patrimoine (wealth counselor). If anyone needs a name, let me know—she’s really knowledgeable
Thanks to my husband, visited at least six countries, 37 cities, 62 châteaux and abbayes (and this grand tour of the Loire Valley), plus a whole mess o’ musées (museums), églises (churches), et d’autres monuments historiques (and other historic monuments), including the new Nôtre Dame !
Also visited my two gorgeous stepkids at university—one in Strasbourg, the other in Fribourg (Germany)
Started a holiday pop-up shop here on La Flâneuse and sold almost all my treasures. Might do it again this year
Grâce aux nos chers amis (Thanks to our dear friends), scored a dream invitation to visit la cave (the wine cellar) at La Plaza Athénée in Paris with the legendary chef sommelier, Maître Laurent Roucayrol
Thanks to the same wonderful friends, had the chance to attend both the Jeux Olympiques (Olympics) beach volleyball AND an exclusive cooking class at the Ecole Ritz Escoffier, in the actual kitchens of the Ritz Paris!
Some Franceplant (France Transplant) Year 3 Observations
1. Yes, my French is really getting good now. And yours can too!
But keep in mind, I studied for years before moving here (which you should start doing now if you’re planning a move). More importantly, every day I try to do every single interaction with the French, in French. This is even when I know they speak English. Doctors, accountants, physical therapist, guys in my band, neighbors, French friends, delivery men, online forms, shops, travel, retirement planning, even cooking classes and yoga classes and wine tastings. Everything in French. This is not easy. You never realize how much specific vocabulary there is for every dang thing. I mean, how do you say, “My left hamstring is killing me!” in French?
Which one is hardest? Keeping up (in French) with the guys in my band, hands down!
My French is nowhere near perfect. It never will be. But my secret is, I don’t let perfection get in my way. If I don’t know a word, I just do what one of my French teachers told me—describe the word you don’t know with the French words you do know. Like, le truc qui, qui umm qui vous permet d’ouvrir la fenêtre (the thingy, that, uhhhh, that lets you open the window)—une charnière (a hinge).
The exception: I’m only at about 50% French with Monsieur B right now, but that just comes from laziness and because he has such a great Bond villain accent when he speaks English. We did janvier français, where we spoke almost 100% in French for the whole month of January. This is me rededicating myself in Year Four to a higher percentage of French à la maison at home!
2. France has finally slowed me down.
As a scrappy New York entrepreneur this was incredibly difficult. It just blew my mind that my husband took all nine weeks (NINE WEEKS!) of his vacation time, and that that was “normal.” Oh and that he didn’t ever work on weekends 🤯. But last weekend, after three years, I didn’t even bring my laptop with me to our country place. To be honest, I forgot it. Mais quand je me suis rendu compte que je l’ai oublié (But when I realized I forgot it), I simply shrugged and ate a(nother) croissant. Bof !
3. My residency permit is expired and I’m not even bothered about it.
As the spouse of a French person, you’re not automatically guaranteed citizenship (but if you live in France you can request it after four years of marriage). So you still have to submit all your documentation to obtain your long-stay titre de séjour, and you have to renew it from time to time. In year three, I had to renew mine. Started the process early (January), followed the progress online, and barely batted an eye when the expiration date passed in April.
After all, the prefecture had sent me une attestation (a 1-page confirmation) that they’d accepted my request for the new visa and that, you know what? If the card doesn’t arrive before the expiration date, ne vous inquiétez pas (don’t worry). This little paper, without a stamp or a real signature, says I can still travel freely.
So yeah, it’s mid-May now and we have a big international voyage planned for this summer. I guess at the airport I might just have to present my expired card and my piece of printer paper that basically says, Pas de panique (Don’t panic). I hope that’s enough for the border police!
Fun Poll Fact: We love us a result, and I was surprised to see that in the poll from our last post, 30% of responders said you might actually eat Percebes, aka Goose Barnacles, and resembling, as this guy on Instagram calls them, “little dragon’s feet.”
4. My husband is turning me into a French history buff, and this could happen to you, too, if you lived here.
Of course it started right au début (at the beginning) when I arrived in France définitivement (permanently) in May of 2022, when I really had no idea that I’d gone and married a French history expert. But in this last year, everything he shows me, all the stories—it’s all starting to sink in. The dates. The kings and such (I mean, I can now spot Henri IV, Le Grand Condé and my royal celebrity crush François I, even in silhouette!). I mean, I can recite the first, second and (sometimes) third names of les présidents de la Vème République (the presidents of the Fifth Republic).
My experience in general is that the French know a lot about their history and are very proud of it. Monsieur B has brought history alive for me in ways I’d never imagined. I’m actually thinking of farming him out for private tours. What can I say? He’d be a money-maker and well, I’m an entrepreneur dans l’âme (at heart).
5. Even with the help of Monsieur B, even after three years, I struggle with the “systems” in France.
When it comes to healthcare, social charges, even retirement investing, I often still feel unsure. It’s not that I don’t like the systems. I’m actually thrilled with most things. It’s just that all the rules here are different, as are all the dates and all the words for all the things.
Side note: I’ve found that even if you have a French spouse, you can’t depend on them to explain every little concept or solve every problem for you. It’s too much pressure on them. You have to buck up and figure stuff out.
Example: Today as he was leaving for work, I told my dear husband that the flute repair store my bandmate told me to go to was an hour away and that I wasn’t sure how to find another good flute repair in Paris. He nodded, so I asked him, “Well, do you have any ideas?” And he said, “Bon beh, oui, l’Internet?” 🤭 🤣
But then you know what? He found me a closer place and sent me the link to it. ❤️
6. Sure, I opened my own company here, but I always have this background fear that I’ll make a mistake and not do/file/address something correctly.
Then again, I’ve never been great at bureaucracy. And unlike in New York, I don’t yet fully understand French business culture. Luckily, I think most people give me a break because they know I’m American and that maybe I’m doing my best.
But there are things I could do much more easily in New York because I know how everything works and who to call if I need help. Here, I am still in “hold-on-wait-what-oh-okay-but wait-I-oh-ah-okay” mode (but in French). I think my most-used phrase in French is, Juste une petite question pour vous, s’il vous plaît (Please, I have just one quick question for you) 🙃 🤪
7. I’ve had some physical lows this year, and they’ve been pretty isolating.
Mainly it’s just my failure to heal a persistent (year-and-a-half-old) mystery running injury, and then struggling with finding my own new doctors here. Not that the docs aren’t good—it’s just you have to find the right match. I’m an active person and being forcibly rendered unable to do my favorite activity is difficult. I’ve let it get me down, and I want to turn that around.
I feel bad for feeling bad because, I mean, I live in Paris and my life is pretty chouette (sweet). I know others are suffering so much more, but I’m just being honest.
8. After three years, I’m finally ready to think about my next big project.
A seismic life change creates a gap where you may have to (or want to) make space for something fresh. But something fresh can also be something scary, and that gap that opens can be destabilizing, especially when you add in all the other stimuli that result from a massive move. It took me two years to stop putting pressure on myself and to really honor the hugeness of moving to France and ease into exploring what I want to do with this new chapter. More on that soon!
9. I made a friend in Year 1 and lost her in Year 3.
One of the absolute surprises of my life in Paris has been the fabulous female friends I’ve found. This year, I lost one of them—a brilliant, funny, kind person whom I’d only known for 18 months or so, when I was introduced to her by another Paris friend. Her illness was unexpected, her death was tragic. I feel her absence often, especially when I walk past one of her favorite places, like Le Compas on Rue Montorgueil or L’Opéra Garnier, where she filmed one of her hit TV shows about time-traveling ballerinas.
A la prochaine, Jill, ma belle (See you next time, Jill, my beauty).
10. This year I realized in my bones that I will not be moving back to the States. Ever.
Of course I already knew it intellectually—we’d decided we’d live in France before we got married. I mean that now, as someone deeply tied to this country, which of course like every place has its fantastic aspects and its aspects de merde (shitty), I have found my home.
The difference after three years is, I hold France ever deeper in my heart and in my spirit. The place and the culture started weaving their way into my eyes, my tastebuds, and my soul long ago, but now that bond is sweetly solid.
I know the same is not true for everyone who moves to France, and there are those who try it and just don’t fancy it for their own valid reasons. But this year, I came to understand that c’est ici que je me sens à ma place (this is where I feel at home).
And Now, Le Cocktail d’Eté 2025 (The Cocktail of the Summer): Porto Tonico
We just took a trip to Portugal and in Porto I discovered a light and tasty boisson (drink) that is perfect for the warmer months. It’s called a Porto Tonico. What I love about it is, everything!
I mean, I’m a big fan of port wine (white, red and yes, even rosé !), but I’ll often keep it for cooler months when we’ll have a small glass for l’apéro or after dinner. I had never thought of mixing it with something else. This is why travel is good for us!
You can make this light and lovely libation with any color port wine you have, but I’d avoid using a vintage port or anything other than a basic “ruby” or “tawny.” Why? Because those older ports are going to have more wood and more earthiness, whereas the younger rubies and tawnies will give you freshness and fruit and a little kick with the tonic. Just what you need sur la terrasse (on the terrace).
Here’s how to make one in less than 30 seconds.
RECIPE: PORTO TONICO
INGREDIENTS
Makes one cocktail, so grab a few glasses and repeat!
1 tall Cocktail Glass
Ice
1 part Port (white, red or rosé)
2 parts Tonic Water
1 slice Orange
1 sprig Fresh Mint (optional)
PREPARATION
Put ice in glass.
Pour port over ice.
Add tonic, then rub the orange and mint around the edge of the glass and drop ‘em right in.
You can also chill the port with the orange slices in a pitcher and add the tonic and mint when your friends arrive (or when you’re ready to drink multiple Porto Tonicos cause you’re grown, and I’m not telling you to share 😂)
A nos amours (to our loves) !
And if you do drink too many of these, all I can say is:
Que la Force soit avec toi (May the Force be with you)! 🍹
Wishing You Home
Alors, mes ami(e)s, c’est tout pour aujourd’hui (Well, that’s all for today, friends).
I’ll be over here trying to work on Year Four in France, which includes building my dossier so I can apply for la nationalité française French citizenship in 2026!
Wherever you are, I’m wishing you that feeling of home—or the courage to find your truest place. It’s worth every effort to be where you belong.
Bon week-end à toutes et à tous ~
Bises 😘 😘
Karen
PS For those interested in our free Creative Online Meet-ups (you know who you are, you magnificent creators) I will post some new dates for Le Salon very soon!
I love this because I am turning 50 next month and fully considering putting my life in storage in the US and just heading to Europe and seeing what happens!
Wow, Karen. I am impressed by the energy and motivation you have. It is absolutely amazing what you have accomplished. May I ask what your start-up business is? Debbie