A Tale of Three Christmases

Meeting the Holidays, Wherever You Are in Your Life Right Now

Dec 23, 2023

Some years it’s not possible because of work or health issues or family drama. Other times, it’s simply not as fulfilling to decorate, to organize, to bake and cook, to send cards, to invite. I feel like I’m saying something shameful, but…it can occasionally feel like a grind, no? But never to this guy, who is my 100% Christmas hero.

The holidays are also a kind of touch point for our lives, when we gather with loved ones or deal with their loss, when we’re at a crossroads between old year and new.

Speaking personally, by this point I’ve (gratefully) seen December 25 a fair number of times and have had plenty of adventures, big and small. I’ve spent many holidays alone in New York City, happily taking myself out for dinner or cooking a little Cornish game hen in my apartment. One December, I had a cool new boyfriend who made all his own furniture, so I bought a special tree and planned the design to impress him. When I invited him over to help me decorate it, he broke up with me over the phone. But it’s Christmas, I thought. You can’t do that. Turns out, he could.

As a former server, host and restaurant manager, I’ve worked more Christmas Eves than I can count, juggling the extra tables that were always crammed into the dining room for the occasion and being too tired to eat at the end of the shift. I remember once even being told by a woman who showed up forty-five minutes late, then had to wait for her table that it was her Christmas Eve, and I’d ruined it. I may have replied, with an attempt at wide-eyed incredulity, something like the following:

“Oh Wow. Really? Huh. And all this time I was under the impression the evening belonged to a certain Baby Jesus. But what do I know? I’m from Ohio!”

Now many years later, I sometimes struggle with the holidays. Why? Because I’m a “designer” and I’m supposed to be forever energized to decorate, plan cool menus, and just generally be the cheerleader for celebration. With social media in the mix, and the need to flex on seasonal tablescapes being a basic requirement, I can get stressed and unmotivated.

What I’ve been reflecting on this week is how every Christmas brings its gifts, its challenges, its community and its solitude. Its hopes, its fears, its expectations and its surprises. There is often stress and sometimes sadness. But when I look back at all the Christmases in my life, the last three have been the most surprising, overwhelming and wonderful.

Christmas, New York City, USA, 2021

In summer of the Year of Our Continued Pandemic, I met my now husband, Monsieur B, in Paris, and he came to New York for the very first time just before Christmas that year. We were trying to decide if we were going to be together forever, and I wanted him to meet my people and see my life, since I’d seen his. That Christmas we saw the tree at Rockefeller Center, and we walked the city for hours each day in the freezing cold. We had a cocktail at The Campbell Bar in Grand Central. If you’ve never been there, you must go on a chilly night.

Then our dear friends hosted us for a marvelous pre-Christmas dinner in their Brooklyn home, and it was the first time I’d been at a dinner party as part of a couple in many, many years. They welcomed Monsieur B so warmly, and all was right with the world. I was so grateful that all I had to do was bring a green bean casserole. The perfectionist in me of course still wanted to make it next-level, so I found this easy but umami-tastic recipe from Chef Gabriel Rucker, which you should try immediately if you’re looking for side dishes that could actually rock a whole plate.

At the end of that dinner, we came home, and Monsieur B gave me a ring he’d designed himself and brought from France. The only sadness of that trip was that he had to leave very late on Christmas night, and I knew I wouldn’t see him again till February. My heart ached straight through the New Year, but I was also bubbling with excitement for what was to come.

Christmas, Moret-sur-Loing, France, 2022

Last year was my first year living in France, and I knew we’d be celebrating the holidays in our country place outside of Paris, with family coming to stay. But I was overwhelmed by literally everything—my new life, my new culture, the French administration, my two businesses, and even the larger demands of speaking the language as an actual resident instead of an enthusiastic tourist. I felt so out of whack. I didn’t even know where to go to get good Christmas decorations, and I was too mentally tired to motivate myself to figure it out. I even felt a little shame that, after having visited France so many times, I didn’t already have that info in my notes.

If I’m keeping it real, I also didn’t want to freak out Monsieur B, who is a delightfully low-key guy, by insisting on really doing it up, New-York-Event-Planner-Style. Of course he would’ve taken me wherever I wanted to go to find une guirlande (a garland) and whatnot, but I was a bit out of sorts and just wasn’t up to even making a list.

You know what I mean when I say “New-York-Event-Planner-Style Décor,” right? This is a photo of a December wedding reception table I once produced in New York, designed with the adorable couple’s desired theme of “Vanitas.” If you click on the link, then zoom in on the photo, you may understand better why there are rotting fruits, skulls, bugs and dying roses within the tablescape. #flexingontablescapes

Instead, last year I decided to lower my own expectations of myself, to just look around at what we already had on hand in the house, and to experience Noël et le reveillon du nouvel an (Christmas and New Year’s Eve) without a lot of stress. To keep it simple. As a recovering perfectionist, this was an actual choice, and not an easy one, except for that I was exhausted.

One weekend at our maison de campagne (country house) I found some gorgeous vintage porcelain plates and crystal glasses packed away dans la cave (in the basement). We set up a tiny sapin (Christmas tree) on a sideboard and laid a pretty table. I cut some greenery from the garden and bought a few flowers. The whole family cooked varying delicious dishes, and we opened some special wines, including a few old Bordeaux from my father-in-law’s collection. Some mornings we went down to the village and brought home warm croissants and baguettes from my favorite bakery for breakfast.

You know what’d be the best Christmas present ever? If you’d click on the little heart above to “like” this post, and/or share it with someone wonderful who might “like” it, too. It’s free, but it means a lot to me. Merci !

I remember judging myself slightly that my gift wrapping didn’t all color-coordinate as it often would in the past, and in fact, even the gift-giving chez nous was minimal, focused on small, sweet offerings. But you know what? The whole darned thing was perfect in its charming imperfection. It wasn’t about effort and display. It was about connection with my new family, spending time and getting to know each other better. And the byproduct was, I could rest a little, just enjoying the winter days in front of the fire my handsome husband had made.

Don’t get me wrong—I once had a white Christmas tree completely covered in disco balls. The different eras of our lives bring different design choices. The all-powerful Taylor Swift is living proof of that, isn’t she?

Christmas, Moret-sur-Loing, France, 2023

This year, I feel a lot more settled and definitely more inspired. I want to surprise and delight our dear ones who’ll be visiting from Germany, just with a few small touches. It’s a shared family countryside home where they’ve all lived many memories, and the idea is to welcome them with warmth and charm and care, as they’ve welcomed me.

I decided to focus on a more natural, earthy theme for our tree and our table, and I’ve taken all my inspiration from citrus fruits, nuts and evergreen branches. I love soft white lights on a Christmas tree, and I adore the fragrance of the boughs mixed with the scent of the crackling fire and the smells of home-cooked foods wafting out of the kitchen. I want to put a little something special in each of their rooms, too.

Have We Learned Anything Here?

I guess my takeaway is that our Christmases (or whatever holidays we celebrate) look different as our lives transform and as our identities shift. Some will be grand, some will be humble, some will be spent alone, and some will be romantic or filled with family and friends. And some?

Well. The truth is, some years you may just need to give yourself the gift of doing less while loving yourself more.

Et vous ? Are you feeling the holidays this year? Having folks over for cocktails, perhaps? Or will you allow yourself a little break to rest and restore? I saw a video on Instagram, and I completely agree with this family’s decision to take their time and let go of perfection in decorating the French château that is their business but also their actual home.

theladyofthechateau

A post shared by @theladyofthechateau

Oh hey! (Dis donc !) If you have any favorite spots for shopping for holiday decor in Paris, do share in the comments for the benefit of all, s’il vous plaît !